Why I coach women through change
TLDR: Because we deserve to be supported.
Welcome to Moments with Coach Mariko. I coach women through seasons of change and life transitions. I specialize in supporting women of color not just because I have years of experience doing anti-racism work and healing but because it’s also part of my story - being a woman of color who is thriving because of the support of other women of color.
Change is hard and we deserve to be supported, especially when the world wasn’t set up for our thriving.
Do you need help through the changes you’re experiencing in life right now? You might not think so. But are you sure about that?
Everyone says that asking for help takes strength, that it’s not a weakness. We say to our loved ones that it’s ok to ask for help. And we mean it. We don’t judge them, we want them to be supported. So why is asking for help so hard when it’s for ME?
The weird thing for me is that in the times when I’ve really truly needed help, I never actually thought to myself “I need help. I should ask for help.” Instead, I was thinking:
“Why is this so hard?”
“How is everyone else doing this?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I figure this out?”
I wasn’t thinking about how someone else might be able to help me. I was focused on trying to fix whatever was wrong with me that wasn’t enough.
When I was a new mom, it took six people who care about me to tell me I needed to get help before I actually did. And when I finally asked for help and called my doctor who referred me to counseling for postpartum depression and postpartum PTSD, I didn’t feel strong and courageous. I felt like a failure. I had really wanted to be a mother and I loved my kid more than the whole universe. But that transition came with a lot of unexpected trauma.
I was so ashamed of needing help I almost didn’t ask.
And while it was not an easy road to recovery, it was a pivotal moment of awareness for me; Life's transitions can be both beautiful and challenging. You can want, work for, strive for, sacrifice for a beautiful dream and finally have that thing you’ve wanted, and it can still come in a package wrapped in unexpected hardship.
And that doesn’t make it less beautiful, but it might mean you need more help than you thought you would.
This realization has become the cornerstone of my mission: to help others navigate the space between what was and what will be, with support, empathy, and radical acceptance of what is.
Fast forward several years, a second big life transition upended my life. I had quit my job to take care of my kids for a season and was ready to rejoin the workforce but needed a super flexible part time professional gig. And there wasn’t much out there. So I started a business. I was so scared I would fail.
And without even realizing the pattern, several months in I was thinking:
“Why is this so hard?”
“Why aren’t I more savvy about this?”
“Why am I so stressed out?”
But this time, my learning curve was faster, I didn’t need 6 people to tell me to ask for help, I needed just one. One person who said, “You need to have a team. You can’t know everything and do everything yourself.”
And this time around, I believed it. I had already started to understand that having support makes a big difference… but this time I started to think maybe I don’t just need support…maybe I deserve support. Maybe having support and help is what will give me success?
Which brings me to my second pivotal moment of awareness: truly successful people have a TEAM on their side. Leaders who are thriving, aren’t doing it all themselves. They have a bench and they call their key players out when the season of life calls for it. Therapist. Coach. Nanny. Accountant. Designer. Etc. You name it, they utilize all the human resources around them that they can. And that makes them look superhuman - but they aren’t. They are just a person with a great support system.
And I needed one. So I started building what I call my ‘constellation’ of support. The many people who are on my team who want to invest in me and who I can call on when I need help. And that has made a significant difference in what I can accomplish - it’s a lot more than I could on my own. But more importantly, it’s reshaped my limited beliefs.
Instead of “Why is this so hard?” I think, “Wow, this must not be one of my strengths, I wonder who has this skill that would love to do this task or teach me something?”
Instead of “How is everyone else doing this?” I think, “How do I want to do this in a way that helps me live into my values?”
Instead of “Why am I so stressed out?" I think, “I’m stressed. I’m going to take a break and stretch.”
See the difference that sense of worthiness can do for how you face your challenges? It’s not perfect. But this realization has informed not just my mission but what I see is my space to take up in the world.
I want to be one star in your constellation of support. Because YOU deserve to be supported through life’s transitions. Change is inevitable, and sometimes it is both beautiful and challenging. No matter your journey, I truly believe that embracing the strength of asking for help can transform your life.
What if there wasn’t anything wrong with you? What if you just needed more support?
If you are ready to invest in yourself and you want to experience the difference that being supported can make… Let’s talk. Visit marikogilman.com to book an absolutely no obligation Discovery Call today!